So it was mother’s day about a week ago here in America and it got me thinking who I was in relation to my mother.
I’m the first child and for a long time it was just me and my mother… I remember bits and pieces, like going to see The Lion King at the movies ( I was 5 at the time i think) and we both lived in London without my dad. It was an amazing day.
After that came my brother, then boarding school, and then college and all of a sudden i’m feeling this longing for her. Although we became closer after I moved to America, we still have never been as close as I wanted and compared to her relationship with my brother not that close. But I’ve been satisfied with our relationship. I can definitely say that we are friends, but I want something more.
The other day I was talking to my friend and she was telling me how she liked her mom, that apart from loving her for being her mom and all that she liked her for who she was. I thought that was just amazing and I’m not sure I can say the same.
I love her to bits and pieces and i want to know intimate things about her, like what does she think of first thing she wakes up? Does she like what her life became? What makes her excited? Is she happy? what is her favorite indulgence( i think its designer sunglasses lol) and her favorite food ( pretty sure its beans) What was she like as a teen( Everyone says she was a fighter with a sharp tongue lol). I want to know more…
I want to share parts of myself with her too, that I admire how strong she is, that the thing I’m most afraid of is losing her, that i want her to teach me about love ‘cos I keep failing, that she has inspired all the good work I want to do. I wanted her to be here for my graduation, but she can’t come and it kills me whenever I think of walking that stage and my number1 cheerleader isn’t there. I wanted her to come and see my messy apartment, and my art, and my gorgeous green pots, and learn about me through my living space. She can’t come and it kills me.
I have many more opportunities though, i’m moving home by God’s grace in September and we shall be living together, there might be tensions but I can’t wait to explore this wonderful woman. My mother
|Airport, Jan 2009|