Musings

How do you know…

July 5, 2012
…that you want children?

Happy Independence day to all ye Americans! Hope you had fun if you celebrate this holiday! I went to work much earlier then ended up having dinner and watching fireworks with my lovely co-worker and her amazing family and friends. I really enjoy hanging out with adults. It was tons of fun.

So my co-worker has often told me how loving her 5year old twin boys are (they are the last of her five sons!), they smother her in hugs, kisses and “mommy I love you’s” every couple of minutes. When she used to tell me before I met them I would just be like “awwww, they are so sweet can’t wait to meet them”. Today I finally did and I was in awe, not only did they tell her how much they loved her multiple times, they told her she was beautiful, smart and “good”(their words) over and over. You know how children speak straight from the heart? It’s a beautiful thing to watch and I was just so captivated. The boys are really sweet and by the end of the night “Auntie Sabirah” had gotten a few hugs and kisses too!

I could speculate on why the boys are so loving; their mom has a really kind spirit, and open heart and is just a joyous person, or maybe they watch their father smother their mom in the same type of affection(he does), or maybe they haven’t been taught that boys shouldn’t express their feelings… who knows? Could be a combination of all… but that’s not the reason for this post, see when I was with them something stirred in me, I felt like I wanted this, that one day I’d like to have  children.

It’s something I’ve always known I wanted, not really sure why, maybe because it is expected of me? I’ve just never really asked myself why. Like I can tell you a million and one reasons of why I want to be in a committed long-term relationship a lot of which don’t sound selfish, but when I think of children not so much. When I hear people talk about why they don’t want children many of their reasons make a lot of sense and I feel like if I were to write an argumentative essay it would be easier to write on why one wouldn’t want kids.

But I want children! For many selfish reasons; So I can give love and receive it, so I can look at my partner and say “see what we made, that’s a part of both of us!”. So I can watch someone grow. I’d love to have my own and definitely adopt as well by God’s grace. I still need to think about and reflect on this. But I’d really love to hear from you…

Do you want children? Why or why not? When did you know and how? Are you sure?

Love and Baby giggles!
Sabirah

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7 Comments

  • Reply moyin :) July 5, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Hey Sab,
    Very timely post! I’ve been thinking about this a lot these days. And I actually really cannot come up with a lot of reasons to have kids. For me, I’m not yet at that point where I know without a doubt, that I want to have kids. Major reason is that I don’t like babies, I mean I smile at them on the bus, giggle, make all the required sounds, but when it comes to taking proper care of them, I freak out. I find older children and teenagers easier to manage because they can actually communicate their needs and feelings. But if I want to biologically have kids, they have to be babies first.
    Next comes the issue of am I well equipped to raise a well balanced, properly behaved, responsible member of society? Can I afford all the sacrifices it takes to provide my kid(s) with everything they need? Especially love and attention?
    I’m sure you can tell how hard I’ve thought about this, I might change my mind, but for now, I don’t think I want to have kids. I hope, for my mother’s sake though, that I change my mind.
    I hope you had a good fourth of July!

    • Reply Sabirah July 6, 2012 at 5:05 am

      I had an amazing fourth of July thank you.
      I feel you on the sacrifices!!! so much. I think about that often. Like I want to freaking see the world. Yes you can do that with children but it’s 10times more complex.

      My biggest fear is not liking my children. Like I know i’ll love and care for them but what if I just don’t like them, their personality maybe? 🙁 ah well

    • Reply Sabirah July 6, 2012 at 6:30 am

      Ps, thanks for sharing honestly.

  • Reply kovieparker July 6, 2012 at 6:20 am

    Before now, I guess I never really thought about why I want kids. I’ve just always known that I want them, biological AND adopted. Even now, the more I think about it, the more selfish my reasons seem. Maybe it’s the kind of family one is from or the environemt really that determines it. Then again, my half sister doesn’t want kids. She’s married and has dogs. I think she’s insane, like why would you rather have dogs. Maybe I’m the one who’s insane; I want lots of kids. Lol
    I totally get Moyin on making sacrifices. I think of my mum and wonder why she would give up so much cause of us. Sometimes I think she was naïve, other times I understand the sacrifices one can make for love. Were we worth it though, I wonder? She swears she has no regrets (I think maybe a little).
    I can imagine a life without a husband maybe (I hope not) but not one without kids. Maybe it’s an inate desire in us to love one that is “of you” or “from you”. I don’t know, I’m not sure.
    Maybe I should live most of my dreams b4 the kids come, but what if it’s too late then? *sigh* I’m rambling, not even sure I make sense. I should think about this some more.
    Thanks for this Sab
    P.S. Sorry for the rather long comment.

    • Reply Sabirah July 6, 2012 at 6:29 am

      The long comments are my favorite! I love them! So thank you.

      Lol at you thinking your half sister is insane! some people treat their dogs like children.

      You know that’s a good point, I’m not sure if I could imagine my life without children or at least a child either, then again I’m not sure, If I had to choose it might be a partner :s

      On living dreams before kids come, sigh isn’t that “the dream” It would be nice.
      So many thoughts still.

      Thanks so much for sharing an in depth comment 🙂

  • Reply Anonymous July 7, 2012 at 1:40 am

    boooo kids!!!!!!!!

    I kid, I looove children, and I want a lot? not sure about that yet. I sha want children but I don’t know how I feel about them coming out of my 2+2.
    But I agree,having someone there to shower love on and receive love from would be amazing! And children are so selfless (well some, I saw this girl being reeeeally mean to her little sister/cousin at the train station, and I kept thinking of how my children would never be that way, hopefully)

    But yes, children. Babies especially, they’re so precious, an they do kinda remind us or give us a reason to smile and be happy. I know how much I miss being a child. So carefree. I want a baby.

    Oh and my husband HAS to love kids whaat! okbye

  • Reply Bimbo F July 9, 2012 at 9:03 am

    This post is touching, i do not know why but i felt like crying. Sometimes i feel like having kids is stressful. They take almost everything from you and i end up concluding no kids. Again when i see the way some people show affection to their babies/kids, i feel like i want a part of me to be in someone. I would love to have kids by God’s grace. I would not criticise anyone who does not want to have kids cos they have their reasons. 🙂

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