Here’s the thing, she didn’t do anything to me, probably why I didn’t know that I was even mad at her. She hurt someone I care fiercely about and I held on to that, even after said person had let go. I shut her out, somewhat unknowingly, for all I knew she might as well not have existed. But these things are never isolated, as I shut out my relationship with her, I also began to close the window on others, sort of like a domino effect and soon there were a whole bunch of forgotten people.
It’s weird because forgiveness is one of those things I feel like I am gifted with, I rarely ever hold a grudge. In fact I’ve often called forgiveness one of my faults, yet this particular case flew under my radar. And I held on to it for years.
But the way a grudge works is interesting, it does the exact opposite of what you hope it would do, because instead of attacking the other person, it eats at you. Slowly but surely, if you’re lucky (or unlucky I should say) you might not notice and go on living your life like “normal”. Hopefully when you realize it won’t be too late.
I spoke to her on my birthday, and we had a pleasant conversation and I felt a bit lighter, two days later we shared a joke and I felt just a tad lighter again. I saw a picture of her today and thought it was beautiful and I smiled to myself, I contemplated telling her… baby steps.
I feel lighter and free…
Take a small step towards forgiving someone today