The other day I was thinking of how important it is to be able to talk about sex on a real level with other girls/women. I think it’s essential to have that one person/people that you can talk to freely whether you are having sex or not, maybe you’re curious, you’re considering it soon, “saving” it till your wedding night or celibate. It’s nice to have someone you can ask questions whether or not they have answers or just voice out your concerns without judgement. While reading cosmo might answer some questions, I’ve found that most of the information there is… well fluff.
A bit of background; as close as I am to my mother, sex wasn’t just the kind of topic we got into. I think I was about 10 years old when I first got the whole “sex is for grown ups” talk. The next one happened when I got my period, I think I was about 12, the short version was “you are now a big girl, if a boy touches you, you can have a baby”. And I was like ugh, this is all so gross and why would I let a boy touch me anyways.
Lot’s of things I didn’t know.
- That this “touching” was sex
- That I would develop a “desire” to be “touched”
- That people enjoyed the “touching”
So fast forward to senior secondary school, the rumors and stories were flying around, “bad girls” were letting boys touch them. I really couldn’t understand why girls would get into so much trouble just for that in my head they were stupid. Let me be clear though, I was talking to boys and all but it was more of just enjoying attention than anything else.
My first “real talk” about sex was with my uncle’s wife, I was about 14 and was on her bridal train. On the night before the wedding my friend and I were in her room and she was packing her honeymoon suitcase. She started showing us all her lingerie etc and I was so embarrassed and flustered, so she told us (my friend and I) that she and my uncle were going to have sex and enjoy it O_O, showed us her edible panties etc and I was just like woooah. Fun night, she is still my favorite aunt.
Then college came around, I honestly can’t remember exactly when but all of a sudden I was interested in boys in a different kind if way, of course by now I knew (what I thought was a lot) about sex and I had a boyfriend and I wanted to talk about it with him all the time (hahaha thank God we were long distance). I had all these questions and I was so lucky to have friends, my ( understanding albeit frustrated) boyfriend and the above aunt to have real talk with.
These conversations shaped a lot of my thoughts on sex and physical intimacy and made me really confident about the choices I made concerning my body. I think it’s so important for ladies to have spaces where we can have open conversations like these, without discriminating against the sexually active, virgin, re-virginated (lol this always makes me giggle)/celibate and so on. No matter where you stand on that scale you deserve to have people you can trust enough to ask what you want/need to know
So questions for you; How did you find out about sex, who did you ask? What were your sources of information? What do you wish you had known earlier? Still have doubts and questions?
I know this is kind of a different topic for this blog but I usually write as it comes so…
As always, Love.
p.s feel free to share and comment, would be nice to get a conversation going.