Love, Musings

Hey! I want to marry my best friend too!

August 13, 2013

So you can blame this post on Bellanaija weddings, recently saw a post that was oozing love! The husband mentioned several times that he was so happy and lucky to have married his best friend and I thought huh, I want that…

Here’s the thing, when I started dating my partner, it was a very short moment of friendship, just so happened that we both wanted something more, and jumped right into it. We started off really as partners, in fact we ran into some problems later when we discovered that we really had to build a solid friendship in addition to our romantic relationship. And while I can confidently say we are good friends now, I can’t say he is my best friend.

Looking at the relationships I have with those I call my best friends, I can say they are made up of a mix of many different things; A shared history, mutual trust, love, similar interests, memories and a looooot of time. Of course some of these factors are dependent on one another, I mean you can’t really create a shared history if you haven’t had a lot of time to do it…

So I’m asking, how important is it for your partner to be your “Best friend”? What does that even mean? Is it just another label? Can it be cultivated? If yes, what are the secret ingredients?- I’m thinking time and patience, at least that’s what we are working with 😉

Share your thoughts!

Love always,
Sabirah 🙂

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7 Comments

  • Reply Anonymous August 13, 2013 at 12:41 am

    I understand this. I too want that.

    Taking a look at the recent weddings and updates etc, EVERYONE says ooohhh ‘I am marrying/ married my best friend/ *insertotherwaystheysayit*’ and I believe it is not ALL of them that actually are best friends. Some just say it because guess what, thats seems to be the new ‘IN’ thing.

    On the other hand, I believe that if you and your man/ a man and his woman are initially friends and have a genuine friendship, as the relationship grows with an increase in truth, the ‘bestfriendship’ should automatically come up. I think.

    Ciao!

  • Reply Anonymous August 13, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    I believe everyone should get married to their best friend. I love the factors of a ‘best friendship’ you listed. I believe 2 people generally ‘grow’ to become best friends without forcing it. It’s so seamless. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. I have a best friend. Best friend cos we both ‘decided’ to be best friends. We talk every other day and we’ve spent some time together. We do not have a common history, neither do we really love the same things…..in a way we are very different. There are days we have nothing to say to each other and days I wonder why we are friends, but then I know she’s my ride or die person, she can read my mind even before I speak and I know I can always count on her. Basically, what keeps us going is that we made the decision to be best friends and we love each other. Every relationship needs work-whether you are best friends or not.

  • Reply Lohi August 14, 2013 at 6:40 am

    I would love for the person I get married to, to be my best friend! but like you said it will take time. I think having a friendship at the base is good enough and over time that person will become your best friend because he would be the one you share everything with anyway. My mum always says when the love stops “shacking” you all you would have is a friendship. So yes it is very important.

  • Reply SCW August 25, 2013 at 9:40 am

    I’m going to employ one of my partner’s quotes of wisdom, as it is the most suitable response I’ve thought come up with so far: “hope you have the right filter/sieve for all these things”. I read a lot of blogs, mostly concerning people’s lives, partners, marriages, art, etc. When I find something interesting, I share it with him, sometimes they are edifying, sometimes they are superficial (e.g 110 ways your man must dress up to show he’s classy…you get the drift). One thing I unconsciously do is measure myself, and sometimes him, by a standard defined by someone I don’t know-who may as well be telling lies-who may pose a happy fulfilling life on the blog but be depressed in real life (you never truly know what you’re getting with these blogs except you know the person in real life). People always tend to put out the best version of themselves. We are all guilty of this, even if it’s sometimes unintentional. Not many people show the grueling purifying process of gold, but are quick to show the finished product. I’m not doing myself any favor by defining how well I rank using other people’s opinions (read blog), and it’s usually negative for me…dang I need to start doing this, look how beautiful this person’s life is because he/she does/have this… I’m thankful that the partner is there to remind me to ‘keep the main thing the main thing’. We really do need a filter.

    Also, remember that you are already making history with your partner. And depending on how far you want your relationship to go, he will slowly become your best friend, if you are willing and if you don’t compartmentalize your relationships. You shouldn’t forget to give everything time. Even those relationships with your best friends had a beginning, it’s just that you’ve had more years with them to build that history, so if you give your relationship with him time, you will also have years of history, The best thing I would do is not compare my relationship with him to other relationships I have.

    Note that there’s no picture of the numerous times they fought and argued to get to the best friend stage 🙂

  • Reply AB August 31, 2013 at 8:15 pm

    I love my bestfriend. Been through a few relationships and honestly, none of them have come as close as second to the bestie. Which is probably my fault, as I’m not big on letting people in.

    Now I’ve gone off point
    Yes, should I marry, I want it to be to a man I consider to be one of my bestfriends, at the very least. Some people don’t have bestfriends, but I do, and I know the bond we share & if I have that with the person I commit to for the rest of my life, it’d be pretty amazing.

    No pressure though (on you or on me) because like you said, you need time to create history. 🙂

    • Reply sawce September 1, 2013 at 2:42 pm

      I have a best friend of 9+ years (I’m a guy talking about a woman) and we have had each others backs since day one. We been through each others many failed relationships, lived together at one point and have basically watched each other grow into the people we r today. Just recently we crossed the line sexually and we couldn’t be happier. We aren’t married, but we r very happy we took that step…we treat each other so much better than anyone that ever dated us. We have never disrespected each other, never lied to each other, and we have the greatest physical and emotional chemistry. We r both very happy with where things r headed!!!

  • Reply Darkchildlovethyhair September 7, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    Hmm deep things.For me I believe the key to being a best friend is being who you truly are warts and all and accepting who the other person is warts and all.I have had many best friends over the years and in different time and places and the formula remains the same-Acceptance is key to happiness. You and your man might be best friends on your wedding but what comes next? If you expect and demand more than he/she is ready to give and constantly nag and revenge you slowly stop being friends and then the nightmare begins.

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