Life, Musings

Unpacking

April 13, 2015
VWbus

Grief & Death.

I don’t know how to react. In real life. See when someone dies on screen the tears gush uncontrollably. But right now? I’m not sure what to do. How to mourn. Maybe it’s the circumstance, maybe it’s the person but there’s this unease I can’t describe.

On Sunday morning my (maternal) grandfather took his last breath. It wasn’t a surprise, he had been battling with cancer for a while now and the general feeling was relief. He would no longer be in pain, the cancer had reduced him to a shell of himself, unable to eat, walk and in the final days even talk.

I don’t know how to react. I want to cry, to feel the pain, but there is none. Only an unease that grandpa is no more. I cannot force myself into sadness, I have no way to unpack this grief and for the first time ever I’m unfeeling.

Maybe because He has lived a good life. 82. A fulfilled life. Maybe it was time to go. I’m writing because I’m trying to make sense of it, but I’m afraid that even this isn’t enough.

Perhaps it’s best to focus on memories and replay them over. My favourites, reading together. Drinking tea. I don’t know.

This is all I have.

I love you grandpa, and I’m glad I told you every chance I got.

Rest in Peace.

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3 Comments

  • Reply Amina O S April 13, 2015 at 9:10 pm

    So sorry for your loss. May he rest in peace. *hugs*
    My condolences to your Mum too.

  • Reply An Afrikan Butterfly April 13, 2015 at 9:44 pm

    May your grandpa rest in peace. Peace to you and your family as you lay him to rest.

  • Reply naijageish April 14, 2015 at 6:09 am

    May your Grandpa rest in peace. And condolences to you and your family. I remember when my paternal grandpa passed away at 74. He was sick but it was too early for him plus his Mother was still alive and I was just getting to know him. I was like 10. I cried for days. Definitely one that hit me real bad and I still really miss till tomorrow.
    My maternal grandpa on the other side was like 96 and his was old age. He was really old and couldn’t do much and barely talked.
    It wasn’t really a sad one for my family because he was old, so it was more of a celebration of his life. I had just met him for the first time 6 months before then I was glad i was able to take care of him during his last days.
    I can imagine how you feel. With time I guess. Best to just hold on to the memories you have.

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