Thursday Tidbits

November 19, 2015

So glad to see another Thursday, sorry that I missed the last one.

Let’s get into it, shall we?

  1. I cannot begin to explain, this long read, on a girl’s conversion from her faith- via twitter- is this is the best thing I’ve read this week. I laughed, then cried.
  2. I really enjoyed this piece on R Kelly, not sure when I consciously stopped listening to him but it made me think of this “art vs the person”  Are they this same – I’d love to get a discussion going in the comments on this one.
  3. This sweet sweet video- because we all need a Reminder to care.
  4. Did you read Shonda Rhimes and Oprah’s declaration this week? Love love loved it. Really need to get “The year of yes”.
  5. Did you see the new posts on the blog this week? Travelventures! Here and Here.
  6. Gratitude + Happiness  more sap. Happy tears and science, win win I say!
  7. I entered this giveaway, because this blog is my baby, my love my safe space (but if I don’t win, I want one of you to- lol) so yah! Enter.
  8. After all that seriousness and sap we need some humour and oh this is hilarious. I laughed out loud so many times! Sex and Spanx.
  9. Related to the above, ladies, do you wear spanx or any kind of shapewear, body magic, waist cinched etc? Do you like them?

That’s all, I think I’ve more than made up for not coming through last Thursday and I hope I’m forgiven. Do have a lovely weekend- I’m going to a themed party whoop!- And share this post with someone who might enjoy it.

Love always,


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  • Reply Afoma November 19, 2015 at 1:38 pm


    While I ‘understand’ the boycotting of artists as a result of something in their personal lives, because human nature, I really think it is important to separate the artist from the art. Unless the art in itself is derogatory to women for example or promotes a wrong/immoral idea, I don’t feel like the artist’s life is any of my business tbvh. It’s just sad that the media will not let us do that. People make good art, whether they’re amazing people or not and that’s just life.

    • Reply Sabirah November 19, 2015 at 5:03 pm

      Ah I have to disagree oh, the art is part of the person and supporting the art which they would make proceeds off is supporting the artists.
      I remember when people said Alicia Keys stole someone’s husband and they would stop listening to her, I found it ridiculous because 1)You can’t steal a person and 2)It was a part of her personal life and between two consenting adults.
      Rkelly on the other hand I believe is a pedophile and I cannot overlook that for the art.

      • Reply Afoma November 19, 2015 at 7:11 pm

        LOL Pedophilia is different. But I see what you mean about the art supporting the artist. In that case yes I get it.

  • Reply Tobi November 19, 2015 at 2:04 pm

    I stumbled on this song by R. Kelly that I used to love recently. It’s the “I’m a Flirt” remix, & I was SO excited about it! Put it on repeat & listened to it all day. I love R. Kelly & I can seperate the kind of man they claim he is from the one that makes the music. I think with some of this guys, it might be because they do those wrong things that they are able to make good music in the sense that they put a lot into it as a way to make up for the messed up habits. Maybe they are even doing it for themselves & not for any listeners. Trying to convince themselves that they aren’t monsters. But I also think some are just good musicians and their flaws have nothing to do with their music. After all, we’re all flawed & we all do or are tempted to do weird shit.

    • Reply Sabirah November 19, 2015 at 5:05 pm

      Hmmmmm I dunno oh, Rkelly has one too many strikes against him

  • Reply Blanche November 19, 2015 at 3:09 pm

    LOL I wear control wear fairly often but I never wear them on days there’s a chance someone other than me could be hurriedly helping me out of my outerwear.

    That said, I think it’s cute to try to separate the artists from their art. By cute I mean ridiculous. They are their art, that they make amazing art but are terrible people doesn’t mean they’re absolved from their horrible-ness and if vice versa, it doesn’t change it either.

    • Reply Sabirah November 19, 2015 at 5:04 pm

      Yes, I agree with you, I expatiated in my comment to Afoma

  • Reply Ade November 19, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    Oh Sab, reading the about Shonda and Oprah reminded me about not wanting to get married. I know deep within me that I don’t want to. I have considered it recently because of my partner, but we just broke up and secretly, I’m glad coz I always thought I’d say no if he proposed. I am happy for people who want to get married, but it’s not for me. I just want a deep relationship with someone. No live-ins. No kids either.

    • Reply Sabirah November 19, 2015 at 5:00 pm

      Thanks so much for sharing, I’m glad you got out of that potential sticky situation, have you considered having the conversation with someone prior to getting serious though…?
      I have a feeling Nigerian men are just as “into” marriage as Nigerian women 😉

      • Reply Chioma November 19, 2015 at 5:30 pm

        “I have a feeling Nigerian men are just as “into” marriage as Nigerian women ?”

        I’ve been having a lot of conversations around this lately and the reactions are varied and interesting.

        Most of the women in my life are of the same opinion – Marriage is a take it or leave it thing for them.

        The men think it’s odd and somewhat unnatural that one might not one to be married. The question I put to them is why it was unnatural. Not surprising that the only intelligible answer was “Just because…” *sigh* I’m not getting married just because.

        • Reply Sabirah November 19, 2015 at 5:49 pm

          exactly! I’ve found the same. I’ve also heard “to have a wife at home”
          bish whet?

      • Reply Ade November 19, 2015 at 5:32 pm

        Do people ever listen to who you say you are? I had this conversation prior to dating him. Said I just wanted to have a fun and committed relationship, but it was soon became about life together 5 years down the road. Whatever happened to just living?

        I always asked if he could handle my person, I doubt he deeply considered my question. Nigerians believe everyone wants to get married irrespective of what you say.

        • Reply Ade November 19, 2015 at 5:33 pm

          But it soon*

        • Reply Sabirah November 19, 2015 at 5:49 pm

          Oh this is so true, people never listen to who you say you are.

          • Ade November 20, 2015 at 11:47 am

            Have you read this article on Bella Timely coincidence. What struck me was a comment about how someone’s mother didn’t want kids and the father wanted many. The agreement between them was that he’d be responsible for their upkeep. He did that till his death and the mother was clueless. What I love was how they worked around their differences and it was not a reason to get married. You want kids? I’ll birth them and you take care of them. The end.

          • Sabirah November 20, 2015 at 1:44 pm

            Thank you! off to read this now, thank so much for all your comments and contributing to the conversation.

          • Ade November 20, 2015 at 11:48 am

            It was not a reason not* to get married. (I type faster than my brain it seems).

    • Reply Esther November 19, 2015 at 5:29 pm

      Hmmmn…I used to think like this too. Only that mine is slightly varied. I want to be in a beautiful and intimate relationship with someone who will be my partner but not married to him. Why? I do not know. Like can we just have something everyone will be jealous of without us being married?

  • Reply Chioma November 19, 2015 at 4:47 pm

    I had interesting reactions to the Spanx piece. I’m still not sure about how I feel reading such a casual piece on sex. It was in turns funny, cringe and relatable. I recently bought some shapewear because my tailor made me a dress that showcased my Buddha Belly in a fantastic way >_> I couldn’t wait to get home and take it off. Jesus did not die for that. I looked FAB though.

    The long read was indeed a long read! Very interesting too.

    3 posts in one week! Well done girlie.

    • Reply Sabirah November 19, 2015 at 4:57 pm

      I found reading about casual sex refreshing funnily, like watching a romcom or talking to *ahem* a friend!

      I haven’t found shape wear that makes a dramatic difference really, but I never think of it, for some people its just part of everyday dressing up. Maybe if i start it will activate my goo up.

      Thank you thank you 😀

  • Reply kovieparker November 19, 2015 at 7:51 pm

    I do want to share my life with someone. That’s what I think about when I think about “settling down”. I’ve always thought I was set on marriage. Then I wasn’t so sure. I’m still not 100% sure but I just know that I do want to share this journey with someone. Whatever the situation leads to. And there’s no hurry.

    I read that piece about faith and twitter and gosh, I’ve been thinking about it for most of today. How we hurt people by the things we believe. Especially in light of recent conversations about doubt. How did we become so full of hate even while we preach a message about love? How did we get so high and mighty, looking down on the rest of the world from our high horse? It hurts me to even think about it.

    I’ve never worn spanx but I recently considered getting a waist clincher. Maybe for occasional wear.

    Never really liked R Kelly. So I’ve been very uninterested in the whole debate. But, I don’t think I agree entirely that the artist can be separate from the art. Not if you’re creating authentically. But then again, not everyone is so there’s that.

    • Reply Sabirah November 20, 2015 at 1:43 pm

      Thank you for this comment, I’ve read it like four times, it’s so… um whole.

      We hurt so many people, It hurts me too just thinking of it. Sigh.
      Ditto about art… you can’t really tease it out.

  • Reply Roconia November 23, 2015 at 4:29 pm

    I’ve spent the better part of my morning me-time with number one. Loved it. I appreciate that the article, however long, represented the human side of things. The fact that there is a gray area in just about everything. I understood some of her actions and reasoning while she was in Westboro, and I understood her reasons for leaving.

    I didn’t stop listening to Chris Brown because he beat Rihanna. At least not consciously. I just got tired of his”bad boy, do what I want and I still deserve the world” image bleeding into his music. I think. I do believe that you– no matter what type of person you are– bleed into your art. I feel that it’s inevitable.

    So, as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, my abuser being 20+ years my senior, when I hear a man with an alleged affinity for little girls whispering what he wants to do to me -even if it is R&B legend R. Kelly on the greatest love track of all time- I want to smash the source to pieces.

    • Reply Sabirah November 23, 2015 at 5:45 pm

      Thank you for reading as always and this insightful comment- I completely forgot about Chris Brown, and like you I didn’t immediately stop but got tired of his antics.
      I hear you on RKelly and rightly so!
      Thank you for sharing.

  • Reply Tega November 30, 2015 at 9:44 pm

    *sigh* The story about losing faith just simply broke my heart. It’s sad how people can read the Bible, what I think of as the ultimate love story, and find ways to use it as a hateful mechanism to hurt people and prevent them from ever discovering that love.
    Oprah and Rhimes… I’m so conflicted. I totally understand marriage and kids not being for everyone. I know I want to get married, but I’m still not sure I want kids. And I’ve said if I get pregnant, then God wants me to be a mother. I don’t think I’ll chase it though. My thing with the marriage bit though is living in sin, honesty? One of my biggest reasons for wanting to get married is so that I’m not having sex outside of hte sanctity of marriage. So one part of me is like, yes. Independence, marriage is not for all. But then the other part is, if you don’t get married, you’ll essentially be living in sin for the rest of your life. I can’t connect those pieces.

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