Long time no old school style blog- where I just write freely about a random experience.
I promised during last week’s Thursday tidbits that I’d tell you about my epic fail trying to pick up a guy. This was supposed to go up on Friday but I ended up spending most of that day in traffic and the weekend was way too busy…
So last weekend while I was in Abuja, my friends and I went to a party on Sunday evening. It was outdoors, the night air was crisp and cool from the harmattan and we were generally having a good time. My friends went to the bathroom and within one minute of sitting alone, some guy comes to talk to me.
Him: Hello, what’s your name?
Me:… um, Sabirah?
Him: My brother said I should get your number.
Me: I don’t get, are we in 1999, where is he? Why can’t he come himself?
Him: Well he had to leave so asked me to help him.
Me: What a nice brother you are, please tell him I said no.
Him: Please now…
(At this point I’m beginning to find the whole exchange hilarious and decide to cool it)
Me: What if your brother is an ogre? Looks aren’t everything but I like to know what I’m getting into…
Him: He isn’t an ogre (no kidding lol), you’re making this hard oh, don’t you know it’s not easy walking up to girls?
Me: Really? All you have to do is start a conversation, it’s not that hard…
(We banter like this for a while…)
(I stand up, and start talking to a random guy walking past, I say hi, ask for his name, if he lives here, guy is surprised but responds politely, Bobby (brother of the perhaps ogre) interrupts, “not this guy!”. Guy walks away.)
Bobby: OK I’ll pick any guy here, you chat him up and get his number, I won’t collect your number for my brother, if you’re unsuccessful, you’ll give me your number?
(ps, I may have had 4+ drinks at this point so I’m quite jolly. Not tipsy, just jolly. lol)
So Bobby and I walk around for a bit and he spots his target, the guy is tall and wearing a blue polo shirt, dark skinned, sitting with a group but not interacting.
Me: Hello, What’s your name? I’m Sabirah.
Him: *Frown*, My name is M*
Me: Nice to meet you, do you live here in Abuja?
Him: *skeptical* yes, why?
Me: Just wondering, I live in Lagos, but I’m here for a friend’s wedding.
(I show him my henna, He says nothing… awks)
Me: So… What do you do? (lame, but this guy is not even trying to talk, I’m flailing here, help)
Him: Why are you asking all these questions (Shet mehn, See Ela) (By the way, Bobby is cracking up as in tears on his face laughing.)
(M* asks who Bobby is and I tell him to ignore him)
Me: (I’m a trooper, so I press on) I’m just trying to make conversation… (silence). Well I’m a teacher… I don’t know many people in Abuja… (he cuts me off)
Him: But why me? Out of all the guys here why me? (ah wahala. One chance.)
Me: Um, you look interesting? (fail)…
Him: I was kidnapped 2 years ago and I don’t trust strangers (That escalated quickly.) (How did Bobby pick the one guy who had been kidnapped before? )
Me: Wow, I’m so sorry, I’ll leave now.
(Your Loss M, I was looking quite delicious that day too)
( I walk away, with Bobby practically dancing galala with glee behind me. The Ela was heavy.)
I give Bobby my number, He calls the next day to see a movie (with him, not his brother any longer, hmmm- I decline because I just want to be a bum that day…)
And that’s the end.
Ladies, have you ever tried to pick up a guy? Guys, what’s the worst response you’ve ever gotten while trying to talk to a girl?
p.s. Should I do more of these types of posts?