Opinion: The Not-So-Single Woman.

February 24, 2011

Hi Everyone, 

Firstly let me say thank you to everyone who has visited in the past few days, you may not comment but I know you were! Thanks for reading and sharing.

So I’ve been thinking about the roles women play and how they differ from men by situation, and one of them that has been on my mind for a while is being single. By my observations, a lot of women, myself included are not really good at this. Maybe it was how we were raised, societies pressures, a need to be wanted or a nice combination of all of these but it definitely is interesting to explore.

When a woman becomes newly single; she is often encouraged by her friends to go out and seek life! live! enjoy… and then they start to hook her up with  their male friends. See the problem here? And these are all well meaning friends, but somewhere we have defined being happy and “living” into meaning having a significant other (OK this is another conversation. I’ll stay on track) The other day I was talking to a friend and found myself doing exactly this. Our conversation went thus:

Me: So how was the party?
Her: It was fun, I met this nice guy.
Me: Oh really? What is he like? What does he do? …etc
(At this point she had to stop me)
Her: He seems like a nice guy, we’v been talking but I don’t want to be in a relationship, he would be a very good friend
Me : :O oh… okay
Without meaning to, I was already trying to figure out if he was a “potential”. And it was this conversation that got me thinking. My Nigerian culture places a lot of value on relationships, most importantly marriage, but even in American media, the so called independent woman is usually devoid of any true happiness until it involves a man. These not-so subtle messages get to us, but are they really true? And is being truly single- without looking for the next potential relationship- even possible?

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